[Wedding Planning 10] | The Wedding Party: Roles and Responsibilities
daytoremember.net | Koby Brown Photography | The Junior League of Houston | Houston, Texas | A Day To Remember Houston Luxury Wedding Planning and Design
You’ve said “I Will” but before you say “I Do!”, so much has to be planned. The biggest questions we always receive, are “What does my wedding party do? Who normally pays for what?”
We want to break down the most common practices, but first, let’s just preface with this nugget: Your wedding, your rules! Most importantly, just communicate with your VIP crew about your wishes, desires and expectations and listen to their feelings about this. When there is open communication, less tension, if any exists. Always be open, honest and graceful and you will receive the same in return! Without further ado, let’s break down the most common roles for everyone.
The Couple
Ideally, the couple will work together to make decisions, share the workload and ensure everyone is on the same page and most importantly, happy with the plans. Here is a short list of the most important decisions to make:
Set your budget
Hire a wedding planner!
Select a date frame and style for the BIG day
Meet with ceremony officiant to discuss details
Selection of venue and all vendors
Shop for wedding bands [normally, each pays for the other's]
If you will be writing your own wedding vows, then this is on your list
Send thank-you notes for all gifts received, ideally within the first three months after the wedding. If you receive gifts before the wedding, start writing those to avoid getting overwhelmed!
In addition to the joint responsibilities, the couple each traditionally handle certain details on their own, including each making sure his or her family compiles a guest list.
Brides select their Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridesmaids [or Bridesmen], plans and hosts the Bridesmaids' luncheon and presents attendants with heartfelt Thank You gifts. Lastly, brides will select a special gift for their future spouse.
Grooms select their Best Man and Groomsmen [or Groomswomen] and selects their attire. In addition, grooms purchase Thank You gifts for his crew and a special gift for his future spouse. Our grooms normally arrange and pay for the marriage license, the officiant's fee and he reserves a block of hotel rooms for any out-of-town guests.
Bride's Parents
Traditionally, the bride's parents usually had the dubious privilege of footing the bill for the majority of wedding expenses. Today, costs are likely to be distributed among the couple’s parents and/or the couple themselves. Let’s take it back to tradition, for those who still enjoy following tradition.
Bride’s parents normally host the first engagement party, assist with the guest list and offer assistance -- and moral support -- with wedding details. The bride's mother selects her attire, then informs groom's mother of her choice so they can complement each other.
The bride's father distributes final payments and tips to the planner to distribute to vendors and he gets fitted for formalwear. On wedding day, he escorts the blushing bride to the ceremony site and may walk her down the aisle – perhaps with her mother on the other arm.
Normally, he is the last to leave the reception as he thanks his guests for attending.
Groom's Parents
Customarily, the groom's parents contact the bride's parents after the engagement; they may host a second or a joint engagement party for the couple. In addition, the groom’s parents provide a list of guests to the couple and consult with the bride's parents on attire. As parents of the groom, they host the rehearsal dinner and may contribute to some wedding expenses.
Maid of Honor
Out of all attendants, the brides rely most heavily on the Maid/Matron/Man of Honor. Traditionally, the MoH is the sister, brother or closest friend and confidante.
Before the wedding, the MoH's duties include coordinating the Bridesmaids' activities, such as meeting for a dress fitting, organizing the bridal showers and bachelorette party. In addition, the MoH assists the couple with any preparatory errands or tasks, such as addressing the invitations [if no calligrapher is commissioned] and record-keeping of the wedding gifts.
On the Wedding Day, the MoH assists the bride in getting ready, ensures she’s eaten and hasn’t forgotten any getting ready accessories such as the veil, jewelry, shoes and garter. The MoH will also be the person responsible for the delivery of the future spouse’s gift on behalf of the bride. In addition, the MoH keeps all Bridesmaids in line with timing, to ensure everyone is ready to go.
As the MoH, accompanying the bride to the ceremony will be important, as the bride will need someone to hold her bouquet, phone, clutch and be there to calm her nerves. MoH will normally sign the marriage license as the bride's witness, arranges her veil and train during the processional, ceremony and recessional, and hold the bride’s bouquet at the altar. Another important role for the MoH, is gathering family members for formal pictures shortly after the ceremony.
At the reception, our MoH assists bride in bustling her dress, and in addition, oversees the wedding party for formal entrances, assisting the wedding planner to get everyone in one place. Before the couple leaves for their honeymoon, the MoH will assist the bride in changing, and makes certain her dress and bouquet are kept safe until she returns.
Bridesmaids
How many bridesmaids or bridesmen you choose to have in your wedding is up to you…no set rules. Bridal attendants can be single or married and of any age, although anyone between the ages of eight and 16 become junior attendants, taking on abridged responsibilities.
The main role of bridal attendants is to assist the MoH with wedding planning duties and assist the bride as needed, such as addressing invitations, assistance with planning the bridal or couple showers, bachelorette party, as well as contributing to the costs.
The MoH and all attendants usually pay for their own attire, as well as transportation and lodging, if they travel to the wedding from elsewhere.
Then you have the most important honor of walking down the processional and recession of the wedding. Mingling with guests and serving as a support system for the bride during the reception.
Junior Attendants
Any young adult between the ages of 9 and 13 is typically known as a junior bridesmaid [bridesman] or groomsman [groomswoman]. On the wedding day, their attire compliments the wedding party, with same color palette, fabric and style, but more age appropriate. Of course, a junior attendant will not be attending in bachelor/bachelorette party, nor are they held to the same financial obligations as the Wedding Party – although their parents will take on such responsibility.
Flower Girl
Flower girls are usually between the ages of four and eight, depending on her level of maturity. During the processional, she walks ahead of the bride, scattering flower petals in her path or simply carrying a pretty bouquet or basket. As the flower girl, she should also be included in the wedding rehearsal, allowing her to feel comfortable with her role. Her parents are expected to pay for her attire and arrange for her transportation.
Best Man
Like the MoH to the bride, the Best Man or Woman is the groom's biggest source of support. Commonly, the Best Person the groom's brother or sister or best friend, married or single.
The main role before the wedding is to organize the bachelor party, assist in the coordination the groom’s attendants’ formalwear fitting, pick up the groom's attire before the wedding, orchestrates the toasts at the rehearsal party, and confirm the honeymoon travel reservations the day before.
On the day of the wedding, the Best Person makes sure the groom gets to the ceremony site on time, brings the bride's ring, may hold the officiant's fee until after the ceremony, and signs the marriage license as the groom's witness. Afterward, the Best Person helps organize the groom’s crew for formal pictures, presents a heartfelt toast during the reception. Finally, the Best Person ensures the getaway car is ready, with the couple's belongings already loaded. Note: If there is to be any décor onto the getaway vehicle, the Best Person, along with the crew will partake in the décor installation. After the wedding, the Best Person ensures any rented formalwear is returned.
Groomsmen
The groomsmen or groomswomen have very few responsibilities before the wedding, mainly assisting the Best Person plan and host the bachelor party, and of course, getting fitted for the formal attire.
The groom’s crew periodically checks with the groom and Best Person for any assistance and support on any other tasks which may come up.
On the day of the wedding, the groomsmen should arrive early to the ceremony site, ready to greet guests. In addition, the groomsmen will participate as witnesses and support system for the wedding ceremony and reception.
As far as financial responsibilities go, the groomsmen will pay for their attire, are held responsible for attending fittings and will handle any, and all travel and lodging expenses.
Page Boy
A term often found in Europe, encompassing the duties of ring bearer, coin bearer and train bearer – page boy title can also be given to girls, often referred to as page girls. Page boy or girls are a fantastic way to include the younger family members and make them look adorable while doing so as they bounce up the aisle, at the head of the procession.
Traditionally, ring bearers are put in charge of the ring pillow – where faux rings represent the real rings, safely kept by the Best Man and MoH. Train bearers usually come in pairs and their duty is to carry the bride’s dress train as she goes up the aisle. Weddings incorporating coins as part of the ceremony include Coin Bearers, who will hold the coins, to be presented upon request.
Like the flower girl, the Page Boys’ parents pay for the attire and arrange for transportation.
Ushers and House Party
Ushers are often the first people a wedding guest will see when they reach the ceremony venue. These pivotal attendants [usually men] watch the doors, waiting for guests to arrive so that they can direct them to their seats or escort them down the aisle. If no House Party will be present, Ushers take on the responsibility of distributing programs, as well as informing guests to please silence all mobile devices.
While Bridesmaids are active and recognized ceremony participants preceding the bride, the House Party does not participate in the processional. The participation of the House Party is more visible during the wedding process, with activities with the showers, bachelorette parties and wedding day tasks – greeting guests and passing out programs, tissues and the like.
Ushers and House Party may wear similar attire to the wedding party, or at least in the same color palette, for which they are responsible.
So, there you have it! Now you are ready for those Wedding VIP proposals! [PS: If you need gift proposals, we have some neat ideas we can curate here!]
Did we miss anyone? If you have special roles we didn’t cover, drop your questions below and we will happily answer! We would love to hear your thoughts!